Bathtubs Kill! Act Now!
Do bathubs kill?
Yes! More than 3X as many people drown (presumably accidental) in bathtubs (average 335 or 1/day) each year than are killed by accidental (presumably) gunfire (102/year).
What should I do?
Have a conscience! Get rid of that killer bathtub that is in your own house, today! Don't let your children go to homes with a tub. Picket for bathtub control! Write your senator today! If you own a tub, don't panic, just slowly and carefully remove it and call your local law enforcement to learn how to legally and responsibly dispose of it. If you need counseling, your community may have a bathtub-drowning survivor support groups. If your community does not have one, please be the first to start one.
How widespread is this horror?
Some Western states (being backward, lacking culture, with wild-west mentality) especially New Mexico and Wyoming have up to 3X the national average of bathtub deaths. Is it any wonder? Think, my dear friends!
In the last decade, 1000's have died this horrible death, slipping beneath the wave of the silent killer--the American Standard bathtub! Most at-risk are our elderly and children (un-aborted). Do you hear me? Our parents! Our Children! Indeed they suffer most.
Can I do even more?
Yes! If we step out of the bathtub, we find that water, killer-water (found this day in many American homes) snuffs the breath out of 10-11 souls per day in America alone. Folks, we have a problem! We need more laws! We need Bathtub and Water laws! Is Trump addressing this? No! Stand firm, Brethren (and Sistren), for the sake of the elderly and children, stand firm with the Party that will act on this now!
Special Appeal
With every head bowed, every eye closed, if you are willing to commit to removing bathtubs from your life today, just slip your hand up. Yes. Yes. I see another. Thank you. Bless you.
Please, @C_M_, knowing your tender heart, this would be an appropriate time for one of your poems. Would you go ahead and just close the meeting.
Comments
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In deep respect and with inspiration credits all to @C_M_ please accept this most humble offertory until @C_M_ reaches the platform.
Rub a dub dub, 3 kids in a tub.
3 fell down and 3 did drown
Oh sad sad day!Be ye brave, face the killer wave,
Have no fear (and don't drink beer)
Bathtubs have a terrible payday!Take up arms, you blarmity blarm,
Be a father! Take out the water!
Rise up ye men and pray!Rub a dub dub, 3 kids in a tub.
3 fell down and 3 did drown
Oh sad sad day! -
Also get rid of cars, get rid of straws, vending machines, seat belts, tractors, lawn mowers, baseballs, hockey pucks, rope, forks, pitch forks, axes, bubble gum, steak, plastic bags, and anything else that can kill.
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Brief research indicates some additional things that kill.
Sad song and a true story (@C_M_) this might be a bit much for anyone who is very feely, feely--it involves a "noxious twerp," hot smoking guns and death of a mighty, aged saguaro)
Beans, cow manure, toothpicks, blood, mercury, laughter, figs, snakes, toilets, beards, herring (you are warned!), coffins, Bibles, molasses, mosquitos, orange peels and more.
Rabbit holes, undergarments, drunk donkey trying to eat figs (refrained from offering link)
My father-in-law would say, "eating too much birthday cake"
